Ways to help kids feel connected during a deployment

Deployments are hard.

No one to chase at the park, no one to sneak you candy when you've already brushed your teeth, no one to give you breath stealing hugs when you feel a little glum ...

And it's rough on the kids too.

Since we are in the midst of our 4th deployment now, with Sarge thousands of miles and many time zones away, I thought I'd put out a few ideas that have helped my kids feel more connected to their dad when he's a world away.

The kiss jar - Have the deploying parent fill a big jar full of Hershey Kisses (one for every day they will be away) and each night the child gets to pull one out, and get a "Kiss" from the one they miss.

Daddy Dolls - While a little creepy, this has saved my sanity more than once. My littlest one can still give her daddy a hug when she really misses him. We bring ours along when we go out and then take pictures with it doing whatever we are doing (similar to the Flat Stanley projects that kids do in school). The kids get to send the pictures to Sarge, and show him what we did.

Skype - Twice a week we get online at the same time, and we all get to see and talk together. The kids run around and play, tell him how their day went, or sometimes even eat lunch with him while he eats dinner.

Paper chain - They were fun to make in kindergarten and they work great to help kids understand exactly how long 6 months (or whatever you're dealing with) really is. There are many ways to do this. I've seen people add a link for every day the deployed parent is away - sort of a counting up till the big day. Or you can make a link for every day before they leave, and take one off each evening in a count down sort of way. That's how we do it. Before Sarge left, I cut 197 strips of colored paper and labeled each with the date it would correspond with. Different months are different colors, and special days (holidays, birthdays, etc.) are a special color. Then each night we take off a link, and the kids write or draw pictures to Sarge telling him what they did that day. Each week we put the links we've written on in the mail, and send them to Sarge so he can keep up to date on all their doings.

Video stories - Record the deploying parent reading some of your kids favorite books before they leave. Then the kids can watch whenever they want or get a bedtime story. If you're very lucky, some deployed bases have a USO location that can do this. They record the parent reading a story, and then send the DVD and the book they read back home to the kids. Gracie has books memorized word for word just because she likes to listen to Sarge tell them so often.

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I'VE GOT THE DEPLOYEMNT BLUES

Hello. It's me Holly.

I have returned to the land of bloggerdom.

For today anyway.

It's been ... well months since I last tried to write a post. But I swear I have good reasons. For the first few weeks at least.  

Sarge deployed yet again. Another short notice one, and another long one. So June was spent preparing, and packing, and a quick vacation. 

Since he left however, I've had a nasty case of the dumps. Sleepless nights, added stress, eating dozens of cookies, super gluing my phone to my hand, attempting and failing to run off previously mentioned cookies ... you know how these things go.

Maybe the super glue took it too far?

No matter how many deployments we've been though, there is always that time of adjustment at the beginning. Trying to figure out how to parent alone again. How to start the lawnmower without swearing. Not getting dressed out of the dryer.

Thankfully I'm starting to pull myself out of these so called blues. I only ate half a dozen cookies last night. Wait my pants just caught fire. It was really 8.

I think I'll run away and join the circus. Or roll away.

P.S. Did I mention Sarge got orders finally? More on that later.

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JOIN THE GROUP

Life as a military spouse can be claustrophobic at times. Our husbands and wives go away for deployments, training, exercises, humanitarian missions, schooling, etc. Sarge has been away 8 times in almost 4 years we've been stationed at this base. 3 deployments, 3 tdy's, and sent to 2 different schools.

When we first arrived at this base I looked for work, with little luck as the surrounding area has one of the highest unemployment rates in the country. I worked at a couple of places, and then went on bed rest with little Grace. I've been a stay-at-home parent ever since. Emphasis on stay-at-home.

Like many military spouses, a higher percentage than our civilian counterparts, I chose to stay home with my kids. We move a lot, we leave careers and friends behind, and it's easy for many of us to lose the social side of ourselves while we do our best to build up our families.

And somewhere in between midnight feedings, homeschooling Sky, many days without Sarge, and all the other joys in life - I forgot how to go out without children and laugh and have fun with other adults.

I had to rectify that. The other night, I went to my first spouses get together. No one tried to eat off my plate, I went to the restroom alone, the rolls were not gobbled up in minutes, and best of all ... we talked. In fact we stayed so late the staff had to turn down the lights to let us know it was time to go home.

 you see this group of ladies here - I may only be able to remember one name, but they are all great!

We all need a break now and again. If you are a military spouse, I hope you know that there is a group of people, just like you, who also want to get out and enjoy a few hours of fun. Look around your base, join a spouses club - or if your other is away look for the deployed spouses club which generally has babysitting services or kids activities at their get togethers.

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BLOGGER'S QUILT FESTIVAL

Ahhh ... spring is in the air, sunshine, birdsong, and flower's blooming. And let's not forget about the now biannual Blogger's Quilt Festival hosted by Amy of Amy's Creative Side.

I participated in this last fall, and really enjoyed seeing all the quilts that fellow bloggers had either made or loved. So I knew I really wanted to join the fun again. Here is my entry - a sweet little circle quilt that I made this past winter for a fellow Air Force wife's new baby boy.

---original post from Jan. 8, 2010

I am in love with this quilt. Good thing the baby shower is on Sunday.

Or I might make up an excuse to keep it.

It wanted to be hand quilted.

Which took forever with all the holiday hubbub going on.

All worth it. A friend is due in a few weeks.

Her husband should be home from the desert just in time to help welcome their little Jakob into the world.

And this cuddly little quilt will be waiting too.

---

That little quilt was a lot of fun to make. It ended up being very soft and cuddly, and very early - as her little one stayed in an extra week before making his appearance.

Thanks for stopping by. Be sure to settle in for a few hours and check out all the other great quilts.

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A TRIP TO THE BEACH

In our house, road trips are spawned from simple requirements. Either it's a holiday and we feel the need to be surround ourselves in family greatness. Or it's because if I don't get out of the house,
I'm likely to come down with a case of   

getmeoutofthisflippin'housebeforeIlockyouallout-itis. 

A gal needs some breathing room am I right? Sarge gets this often too, it's why he's not allowed to take time off.

Last Saturday was one of those days. So after breakfast I made the announcement - "We leave for the beach in 20 minutes. If you don't pack it, then you're stuck without it." Then I calmly went about washing off the dishes.

30 minutes later, we were backing out of the driveway and on our way. And 2 hours later we were sitting in the sunshine with a great ocean breeze to cool us down and get me back in the mood to adore my family.

Well it was actually 3 1/2 hours later, as finding a lunch spot was much harder in the midst of bike week - who could have known? A planner that's who.

The end.

P.S. - We all were sunburned well before we left the sand. Except my mutant golden child. Hopefully one of us remembers the sunblock next time.

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Stawberry Farm Fail

One great thing about living the military life, is enjoying different activities and cultures at each new base.

We are currently down south, and the only thing I still enjoy is all the fresh fruit and vegetables. We generally go and hit up a local strawberry farm a few times each spring. A couple buckets, and my kids are off plowing through the field on a mission to get the biggest berry of all. Sarge and I follow behind, trying to keep too many from becoming a quick snack, taking some photos, and enjoying the sun.

However, this year was Strawberry Farm Fail. 

We'd been seeing ads in the base paper for a different farm, about an hour away, with "activities for the whole family". Bouncy things, slides, fresh ice cream, and of course the strawberries. So Saturday we decided to try it out.

Mistake number one, knowing that the high for the day was just below 90 - and still going.

Mistake number two, assuming we could leave early and beat the heat, or a possible crowd. Do strawberry fields even have crowds?

Half way there, Sarge was called into work. We turned around, he changed, and we all went to his shop where he said he'd only be 10 minutes.

No big deal right, it was still really early. After a few minutes with him inside and the kids and I hanging out in the car, he sent me a text saying we should go hang out at the park for half an hour or so.

Again no big deal, my kids freak over the park. After 45 minutes, Grace had hit her 2 injury quota while playing, Sky had gotten his shorts wet in the pond, and I had sweated off all trace of deodorant. Time to GO!

No word from Sarge. So we wondered over to the library. Ahh sweet sweet air conditioning. The library can be a great place to take my kids, individually. Grace is 2, and loud. So she goes strait into the little kid room and the itty bitty computers that she is obsessed with. Sky however is 10, and 2 minutes in the kid room has him rolling his eyes and muttering how lame everything is. After 20 minutes of hearing the error noise from the computer, and how lame a stuffed tiger was - I bribed silence from Grace with some gummy snacks, and we went looking for something for Sky. He quickly picked up a new book and we hustled to the check out desk. Still no word from Sarge.

I needed some new summer makeup, and a major dose of caffeine, so we went to the BX next. Grace made it 10 steps towards the entrance, before dropping the remainder of her gummies in the parking lot and laying down in outrage when I wouldn't let her put them in her mouth. My attempt at good parenting got me about 10 indignant looks from random people as my toddler lay on the sidewalk wailing. Oh well. I quickly grabbed the makeup, some sugar for the kids, and the biggest cherry coke I could find.

Back to the car, back to Sarge's shop, and the kids munched on candy while I blissed out with my soda for another half hour before he came out.

Mistake number three, lunch. We tried a new wing place everyone had been raving about. We can be particular about our wings, and these were simply smothered in various sauces. Not the best. One drink spill later and some full bellies and we were out the door.

Finally off to the the strawberry farm. The directions weren't the best, and there was no sign pointing the way. So we got a little lost along the way. Thank goodness for google and good cell reception.

And when we arrived - utter disappointment! The field was overgrown with weeds, many of the berries were either rotten or unripe, and the "fun for the whole family" looked as if it would require a tetanus shot. We ended up paying for a couple of buckets, and filled them as fast as we could because it was now midday and a million and one degrees.

Lesson learned, sometime the simple things should just stay simple.

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WHERE I'VE BEEN

Bumping along the road to crazy town that's where.

Nah, actually I've just been busy - thanks for sticking with me - but life has settled back down, albeit into a new sort of rhythm than a couple posts ago.

Sarge returned home from Haiti a while back. Turns out he wasn't needed as long as they originally estimated.

 We were extatic. 

Our house has been on the market a month now. This is a new experience for us, and not one I hope to deal with ever again. Sarge did not receive orders off the last list, but a new one is due out in a few weeks and we are hopeful. So we decided to sell the house and move back on base while we wait.

Since I've packed away my sewing supplies to help keep the house looking it's best, my camera and I have gotten closer. Pop over to  my flikr stream to see some of my better shots from the past couple months.

Love ya all!

Holl

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